I watched an Anthony Robbins video the other day that really hit home. (Yes, I am a Tony Robbins fan.) In it a woman was telling him about how terrible her marriage was and about how she’d been trying for years to fix it. When talking to her Tony put a lot of emphasis on a particular phrase she kept using–“trying to change.”
After some discussion he asked her to try to pick up the chair she had been sitting on during the conference. When she bent over and picked up the chair he said, “I didn’t tell you to pick it up. I told you to try to pick it up.”
She responded by putting the chair down and standing there looking confused. Then he said, “Now you’re just standing there. I didn’t ask you to stand there I asked you to try to pick up the chair.”
This interplay continued until he got her to bend over and strain like she was attempting to pick up the chair, but not actually picking it up. Doing this was uncomfortable and frustrating.
How often in our lives do we find ourselves doing something similar? When you say you’re trying to do something what are you really doing?
I have been doing this very thing with my latest novel. I’ve been calling myself trying to write a novel, but having some difficulty. Actually what I’ve been doing is turning on MicroSoft Word and surfing the net instead of writing. It’s lame and I know better than that, but I’ve let myself get sucked into a pattern of behavior that isn’t useful.
There is a difference between trying and doing. Often times when someone says they’ll try to do something that’s code for not being ready to do that thing at all. Either you do it or you don’t.
Trying is sometimes used as an excuse for not accomplishing something you don’t really want to take the necessary steps to achieve. Spending your time struggle to have enough willpower to do it is the same as procrastinating. When I say I’ll write and then I surf the web, I’m saying that I’m not willing to work hard to acheive my goal.
When you watch television instead of starting the novel that you say you’ve always wanted to write, you’re telling yourself that the moment of gratification you get from watching a television show is worth more to you than the deeper satisfaction of writing the novel you’ve dreamed of writing. All it takes is a subtle shift in thinking to change trying into doing.
Once you make that mental change you’ll be able to steer your life in the direction you truly want to go. You have the ultimate control over your destiny. You chose to write or not, exercise or veg out, eat right or pig out on junk, treat yourself with honor and respect or not. So what are you doing? Are you doing or trying?
Photo by crsan – christianholmer.com
Bradley Barks says
Hi Lovelyn, I really appreciated reading your thoughts and distinctions in this post – I went over and watched the video where the lady is “trying” to pick up the chair on the Anthony Robbins video… it really struck a chord with me and got me to realize what I’m currently “trying” to do, and not actually doing! Thanks once again!
Lovelyn says
Thanks for committing, Bradley. There I enjoy that video a lot because I’ve wasted so much time in my life trying to do things when really all I had to do was just do them.