What’s Your Story?

I’ve been thinking a lot about stories recently, not just because one of my primary interests is writing stories, but also because we each have stories that we tell ourselves about our place in the world and the possibilities that lay before us. What do I mean by a story exactly? I don’t mean a book that someone read to you as a child. The Velveteen Rabbit and Green Eggs and Ham have nothing to do with this. Instead I’m talking about the beliefs you have about yourself. I’m talking about the things that you tell yourself again and again.

When I was quite young I decided that I had nothing to offer this world and that I had little value to give to others. I’m not sure where this belief came from. I can’t really pinpoint a specific instance that made this one of my primary beliefs about myself, but I do remember thinking it or even saying it to other people on numerous occasions. Not being of much worth and having little to offer in the world came with some very serious consequences.

I was always quite introverted. Even now I need alone time to decompress, but back then my introverted nature was wrapped in a shyness and embarrassment that was steeped in shame. I’m still easily embarrassed, but I’m getting over that. Back then my embarrassment and shyness kept me from doing many things that I wanted to do. It kept me from saying many things that I really wanted to say. I used to think, “What’s the point. No one cares what I think anyway.” These feelings allowed people to get away with saying despicable things to me and me not standing up for myself at all. I was easily blown this way and that in the wind of other people’s opinions because I thought their opinions were more important than my own.

This belief that I wasn’t worth much also showed up in my friendships. I’d let everyone else do what they wanted and make the decisions without speaking up. I figured that if I didn’t want to do something it didn’t matter because who really cared. Wow, just writing this nonsense is pretty frustrating, but it is what I believed.

It also effected my work. I often ended up in positions below my skill set because I thought that was the only work I could get. I accepted low salaries because that’s all I was worth. When I was a massage therapist I went for a job interview at a chiropractor’s office where the chiropractor asked me what I wanted to be paid. I told him that I was under the impression that most of the time therapist got paid according to the number of massages done, and that I thought a percentage split of 40 percent would be good enough for me. He said that he would never pay me that because I wasn’t worth 40 percent of anything. I sat there quietly and said nothing in response. I wanted to cry, but the craziest thing was that when I left that interview I was still hoping that got the job.

I can go on and on about how this ridiculous story that I made up affected my life, but I think these examples are enough for you to get the point. Yes, I had self esteem issues. Yes, I had a pretty messed up story and because I told myself that story again and again it became true.

What stories do you tell yourself? Maybe you tell yourself that you could never write a novel because it’s just too hard? Maybe you tell yourself that your days of making art are over? Maybe you tell yourself that no one will ever pay for anything you create? Maybe you tell yourself that you’ll always too busy to pursue your dreams? Maybe you tell yourself that you’ll never find love? I could go on and on. There are as many stories as their are people in this world.

What is your story? Is it holding you back? Is it keeping your light hidden from the world? If so it is time to change it and replace it with something else … something better … something fantabolous. (I know that’s not a word, but sometimes I make up words. That’s one of my special talents. Just go with it.)

Let’s get busy changing your story today. The world is waiting.