For a very long time my husband and I had the goal of owning a home. We were renters, like many people, but we were sure that being homeowners would be so much better.
When we lived in the apartment complex where we could hear our upstairs neighbors loudly having sex we’d often say to each other, “Won’t it be great when we get our own place.”
When our rent went up by a couple hundred dollars suddenly we longed for a mortgage to pay. When a landlord was slow to fix the heater in our flat in the UK in the midst of January cold. We talked about how great it would be to have our own place and be in total control of the maintenance of our home.
We did eventually get a house. I’m typing this post in our house right now, but I made a mistake during the years that we were still renting. I forgot to enjoy the journey. I was so focused on having a house one day and what I saw as the negative aspects of renting that I neglected to notice the good times along the way.
I was so busy complaining about the sound proofing and the management at the first apartment complex we lived in that I neglected basic things like decorating the first place we lived in together as a married couple. As a matter a fact, every place we rented we neglected to decorate because it wasn’t ours. In the UK we lived in the cutest little village in an adorable little cottage, but I was so focused on how bad the landlord was that I often didn’t notice the lovely scenery around me. I took our daily walks in the countryside for granted.
Once we moved back to Florida and into the house that I claimed I always wanted, guess what happened. I didn’t decorate. I neglected to buy furniture. We acquired furniture that we didn’t really like for free. We never hung anything on the walls. We did all the same things we’d done when we were renting for a whole year after moving in. One day we looked at each other and said, “What the heck are we doing?” And that when things finally started to change.
You can set goals. In fact, I encourage you to do so. I think goal setting is healthy. It gives you something to strive for, but don’t look to your goal and think that will make you happy. It won’t. Once you reach your goal you’ll be the same person you were when you were trying to get there. If you aren’t happy now. You won’t be happy then.
I fooled myself into thinking that I’d start decorating once I got my own house. I was kidding myself because I obviously didn’t. I thought I’d stop complaining and worrying once I got my own house. Trust me, I didn’t stop doing that either. I kept doing what I’d done all along. That was my habit.
What are your habits? Do you really think they’ll change after you find your dream career? If you procrastinate now, you’ll procrastinate at your dream job too. If you overspend now, you’ll overspend once you start making six figures too. You’ll just have more to spend.
Focus on your goal and your dream, but along the way work on yourself so you’re the type of person that can enjoy that thing once you get it. Do you know how you become that kind of person? You become that person by dealing with the hard things now, by living in the present moment, by making the commitment to do your best everyday, by enjoying the journey along the way.
Most of our lives are spent on the way to one goal or another. You must enjoy the trip. Notice the good things along the way.
Looking back I’m not at all surprised that it took me so long to make my house a home. It was something that I was unaccustomed to doing. I didn’t know how to because I’d never practiced. I won’t beat myself up about that. I know better now and when you know better, you do better.
I’ll tell you about what helped me see this recurring pattern in myself and change it in next week’s post.