I know a thing or two about fear. Not only because as a child most everything including hats, balloons, motorcycles, and Santa Claus scared me, but also because as an adult I hung on to this fearful behavior. Sure, the things that scared me changed and so did my reaction to them–I no longer bit the closest person to me when I was afraid–but I continued to let fear control a large portion of my life.
I used to use fear as an excuse not to do things. I think many of us do that. We let our fear hold us back and dictate what we will or won’t do.
Most people don’t make the changes they really want in their lives because they are afraid. They are afraid of failure. They are afraid of the pain associated with doing something different. It is difficult to learn a new thing. It takes time. It’s a risk. We focus more on that fear and potential risk than on the positive effects making a change could have on our lives.
As human beings we are amazing and able to reach incredible heights, but our minds are set up to avoid pain at all costs and pain is associated with change. You must change the association so that the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of making that change.
Initially, when I decided to leave massage therapy to pursue writing I had a million reasons why it wasn’t a good idea. I was afraid of really putting myself out there. I was afraid of what people would think. I was afraid of failure. Honestly, my early attempts were failures. They were failures because I was going through the motions, but in reality I was still holding back. I was still too fearful.
When you focus on fear your authentic self cannot shine through.
When you focus on the fear instead of your reason why you lose track of your goal. You get lost in the quagmire and ultimately fail because of it.
[Tweet “When you focus on your fears you make them come true.”]
I was focusing on failure and so I failed.
Instead of letting fear be your focus you must focus on the benefits of facing your fears.
It’s amazing how much of a difference changing your focus can make. They say that what you focus on increases. I’ve found that to be true in my own life. When I focused on my lack of money, my debt, and all the bills I had to pay, it seemed as if my financial situation was constantly getting worse. There was always an unexpected expense at the end of the month that would eat up what little money I had to spare.
When I changed my focus to one of gratitude for what I had my financial worries started to slip away because when I was willing to release the fear I could see solutions to my problem that weren’t obvious to me before.
When you want to make a change in your life focusing on what you will gain by making that change instead of what you might lose will help you have the courage to step into that change fully.
How do you find that courage to change?
Like I said earlier often times we associate making a major change in our lives with pain. Change takes a lot of effort. We also tend to focus on what we might be losing by making a change rather than what we might gain from the change. Changing your focus will help you make the change you want to make in your life more easily.
Be clear about your goals. Why do you want to make a change in your life? You can make this a writing exercise. Think of something that you’ve wanted to do for a while, but have been putting off because you’re afraid. Write it down on a piece of paper.
Now write down why you haven’t done it yet. Be honest with yourself. What are the real reasons you’ve been putting it off?
Write down how you feel about not having made that change yet? How do you feel knowing that thing isn’t in your life yet?
Take a minute to read over what you’ve written and really feel the emotions behind it.
You’ve done that? Good, now it is time for more writing. Write down how good you’d feel if you did make that change in your life. How would you feel if you reached that goal? What would it mean to you?
Read over what you wrote and really try to feel the emotions you’d feel if you reached this goal.
It would be wonderful, wouldn’t it?
Now break the process of making this change in your life into small steps. What would you have to do to reach this goal? What are some things you need to do to make this change? Write them down.
Once you come up with some actions you need to take close your eyes and picture yourself taking these steps and enjoying them. If you want to write a book, imagine yourself sitting down to write and having great fun typing away on the keyboard. If you want to lose weight imagine yourself eating healthy food that is delicious that you love. Imagine yourself having a blast exercising.
You make changes by doing small actionable steps. Choose one small step that will put you on the path to the change today. This doesn’t have to be anything big. In fact it’s best if it isn’t too big. I want it to be small and doable. Taking this first step will give you the momentum to do more tomorrow.
When you wake up every morning take a few minutes to think of how you will feel when you reach your goal and then imagine yourself enjoying each step along the way to get there. If you find yourself getting stuck go back to the writing exercise above and try to dig deeper into your feelings. When you are clear about why you want something it becomes much easier to summon up the courage necessary to make that thing happen in your life.
Recognize that fear can be a good thing. I’ve said before that the fear doesn’t go away and it is my sincere belief that it doesn’t. What does change is the way you respond to it. Fear is a sign that you are doing something new, something challenging, something that will help you grow into the person you want to become.
The difference between people who are wildly successful and everyone else is that people who are wildly successful don’t let fear stop them. They feel fear just like all of us, but their desire to pursue a new path outweighs that fear. They’ve been able to flip the fear of change on its head so that the idea of missing an opportunity because of their fear is way more painful than the uncertainty of trying a new idea.
Courage is not fearlessness. Courage is the willingness to face your fears. Then will you find true courage.