I remember being in a class when I was about 20 years old and the teacher saying something about choosing to be happy. “Happiness is a choice,” he said as if this was for certain. At the time I was struggling with depression. I was deeply sad and felt like I had no choices at all. I remember leaving that class, locking myself in a bathroom stall be away from my room mates, and crying.
Happiness is a choice.
When sadness felt like it would swallow me up sometimes I’d still hear him saying that in my head.
Happiness is a choice …
… if it was, why wasn’t I choosing happiness? I wondered if this was all my fault.
My late teens and early twenties were some among the hardest times in my life. A dark cloud of depression followed me everywhere and I didn’t know how to get out of it.
I’m telling you this because I want you to know that I’ve been desperately depressed. I know what that feels like and I know that for some people all of this business about happiness being a choice doesn’t ring true at all because it’s about more than choosing. It’s about brain chemistry and other things that may seem far beyond their control.
But that being said there is still another group of people who do have that choice.
Do you ever find yourself delaying happiness? Do you think to yourself when I have this much money I’ll be happy, or when I am in a committed relationship I’ll be happy, or when I finally get that promotion I’ll be happy? If you do, I have news for you and it’s not good news. You may make that money, find that special someone, or get that promotion but you still won’t be happy.
You may be wondering how I could say something like that. How could I know? I know because happiness is a habit. If you don’t develop the habit of being happy now no amount of good fortune in the future will really make you happy. Yes, you’d be happy for a little while, but once it got old you’d fall back into your habit of being unhappy.
So I guess my teacher was right. Happiness is a choice and a habit. You can have happiness in the future if you choose to have it now. A study published by Yuna L. Ferguson and Kennon M. Sheldon in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who actually tried to be happy found that their mood elevated.
How do you choose happiness?
This is yet another instant when mindfulness and gratitude can really help. There are many small good moments that happen everyday. Don’t let them pass by unnoticed. Notice the short sweet moments. Be grateful for them because in those moments you will find true happiness.
As time passes this state of happiness will become your new habit. You will appreciate the good in your life now and the good to come.
… but doesn’t being happy now keep me from growing?
Some people say that it is only by being dissatisfied with life that they are driven to do better … to be better. If you are dependent on unhappiness to encourage you to grow then you will always be unhappy because growth is necessary to feel truly alive. You don’t need to be unhappy to grow and change. That doesn’t have to be your motivation.
Instead try to re-frame your motivation. We can be motivated by increasing your knowledge and being able to help more people. We can be motivated by new experiences.
If you want happiness you can have it now in your current circumstances and it will not stop you from improving and growing. It will only stop you from missing the moments of joy now and chasing some imagined future happiness that will never come.
Choose happiness today.