I’ve been working on a new novel tentatively called Of Gods for the past couple of months. If anyone asked me why I have been absent from this blog or social media I always say it’s because I’m working on a new novel, but that isn’t really the reason why. In reality I lost track of things.
At some point along the way I stopped doing my morning routine and everything went downhill from there. I never stopped meditating, but I stopped doing the other stuff. I was lazy with my yoga practice. I stopped reading personal development books. A lot of my free time was spent on terribly negative thinking. It can happen so easily.
As you develop new habits for your success those new habits can get easier and easier. The momentum begins to build, but the old habits are still lurking in the background waiting for a chance to slip in like a thief in the night stealing away your progress. I let my old habits slip in.
I wasn’t writing as much as I should have. I could have finished this novel months ago if I were disciplined about it. Even as I approached the end, I found myself writing less and less. I was delaying finishing.
Why would I do this? Why would I let myself fall so far backwards after coming so far? Being able to peel back the layers and look at the real reasons why is key to figuring out what’s going on. A lot of times these problems come from fear. And many times if you look closely you’ll see that you are so wrapped up in yourself and losing something that you forget that by stepping into those fears you can contribute a great thing to this world.
I know that personal development people talk about making a giant difference in the world, and contributing something great, and changing the world all the time. Maybe that’s cliché or maybe in reality it does make that big of a difference.
Writing a novel is not going to bring about world peace. Telling the stories that I feel compelled to tell in the most honest heartfelt way possible could feasibly touch the heart of others who read them. Maybe my stories could affect the way someone thinks about the world around them and themselves. Sharing stories instead of keeping them bottled up inside affects how I interact with other people around me.
I still believe that we can affect this world in the small ways that can become mighty. We build momentum and force as we act much like dominoes toppling over one after the other.
I would like the momentum that I build to help others feel good and know that they are not powerless in this world. Even the small things you do can have a great consequences.
So in short, for a little while I stopped believing in myself. I was afraid that all of my writing was crap. I stopped believing in others. I let my fear of failure get the best of me. I’m done with that for now. It’s time to move on.