I have a problem asking for help, but that’s all changing now. You might be like me. I know I can’t be the only one who looks around and wonders how everyone else seems to be doing it all by themselves while I’m slowly drowning.
Social media gives us a warped view of the lives of others. People are much more likely to share their really beautiful DIY living room makeover than a picture of their messy desk. People post pictures on Instagram of the colorful garden salad they just made and not necessarily the pint of Häagen-Dazs they devoured whilst binge watching Netflix.
Looking around at all of the seemingly together people around you might make you feel afraid of the vulnerability that comes with admitting you can’t do something and you need help. The thing is most people aren’t nearly as together as you might think.
We all have flaws and weaknesses. No one can do it all, and knowing your strengths and getting help when you need it is more a sign of future success than the failure that many of us associate it with. Successful business people ask for help when they need it. They know the can’t do it all so they play up their strengths and get help with the rest. Why shouldn’t you?
We are a one car family. I know this is a first world problem, but it is a first world problem that was starting to get bigger and bigger in my head. My husband is a musician who works mostly on the weekends which leaves me with no transportation on the days when most things are going on around town. The public transportation here leaves much to be desired, so I tend to stay at home on the weekends. As I result I can seem like a bit of a hermit.
Until recently I had the bad habit of turning down invitations to do things on the weekends instead of just admitting that I had no way to get there. I was constantly checking my husband’s gig calender and then telling people, “I’m sorry, but I can’t make it.” I never gave an explanation. I just left people to think that I was busy or had something more interesting going on. In reality all I had going on was a night at home with my dog.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized that my loneliness wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own. I was choosing not to be completely honest about my situation because I was embarrassed to ask for a ride and I was afraid that people would think I was annoying or pitiful. This idea about what people would think was completely made up. It was not based in anything that had happened in the past. I was creating a life where I couldn’t do the things that I wanted because I was too embarrassed to ask for help.
This may seem like a minor issue, but it points to a bigger problem in my life and in the lives of many others.
Have you ever done that? Have you ever worked much harder than you needed to or suffered through a tough time alone because you didn’t want to ask for help? You were too stubborn or too proud or too afraid to tell the people around you what you really needed. Maybe you were thinking that if they really cared they would offer exactly what you needed without being told. People aren’t mind readers and sometimes what may seem obvious to you might not be that obvious to someone else. Sometimes you need to speak up.
The past two weekends I went out because I was willing to ask for help. It was fun, and I realized that it wasn’t as big of a deal as I made it out to be. You may need help with something big or small. Whatever it is I encourage you to ask for help. You don’t have to do it all yourself. No one does.
You may be surprised at just how willing the people around you are to give you a hand.