We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be. ― May Sarton
About a week ago I decided to start blogging regularly again. I’ve missed updating this blog and putting thoughts and ideas out into the world. The funny thing is that since I decided to start blogging again I’ve been unable to come up with a post idea. I kept wondering what kind of things an author blogs about and trying to think of something that might fall in line with that idea.
That was my problem. I’ve been blogging for years, but my blogs were always based on me being me. Suddenly I decided I had to write in a way that wasn’t really me at all. Putting on the persona of what I thought an author should be was a bad idea. I am an author, so I don’t have to try to pretend to be one.
There are times when pretending to be someone else can be useful, like when I pretend I’m Will Smith in overwhelming social situations. Other times pretending to be someone your not can be detrimental. This was one of those times.
Most times walking around in this world as the real you is the best thing you can do. Most people are playing roles. They’ve living inside of the lines, doing what they think they should be doing. The people who standout and succeed are the ones who are willing to step outside of the lines. They live authentically according to their own rules. Unless the most authentic version of you is a grade A asshole, being your true self is one of the best ways to give back to the world.
I make the same mistakes all the time. I tend to be really concerned with what I’m supposed to do and who I’m supposed to be. I’m a rule keeper, but sometimes keeping the rules and doing what you are supposed to do are not the best course of action. I have to remind myself of that and work hard not to fall back into a pattern that for a creative person like myself ultimately becomes self-destructive.
I’m not ashamed to admit that to you because I want you to know that if you have a hard time making the necessary changes in your life you’re not alone. It took you your whole life to establish the habits and ideas that you have today. Undoing those things takes time and practice. We all screw up. We make the same mistakes again and again. We slip back into our old ways of thinking. That’s because we are trying to break habits that are deeply ingrained.
The real mistake happens when you mess up and quit trying because of that. Failing once, twice, three times, a thousand times, only equals failure when you stop trying. Being willing to get up, dust yourself off, and try again is how you find success in the long run. When a baby learns to walk she falls down countless times. No one says to that baby, “You should give up now. No use in trying. You’ll never figure out this whole walking think.” No, we don’t say that. We encourage her to try and try and try again until she gets it. That’s what we need to do with ourselves when we’re creating new habits in life.[Tweet “A setback doesn’t mean you should give up. It just means you’re having a setback.”] Figure out a way around it. Try again.
Once you have practice changing your behaviors and your ideas about the world a new pattern of behavior will get easier and easier, but at first you have to be really on top changing it. You have to lock into the positive emotions connected to making that change and remind yourself of them all the time. That takes awareness and work, but in the end int is all worth it.